Becoming a mom can be a really tough transition. You are getting used to so many things that are your new normal and quite frankly, there are many times it is downright lonely. For me, being a stay-at-home mom made it even a little more lonely because you have little to no adult interaction throughout the day. It took months, but slowly and surely the role of Mom got more comfortable and I actually have a circle of “mom friends.” It doesn’t have to be a large group of friends, just mom friends your heart and soul truly need…
This is the one that you are unashamedly yourself around. Messy house? Dirty hair? Screaming child throwing a tantrum on your floor? You don’t care if they see this less than perfect side of you and it’s because you know they truly don’t care.
One that is nonjudgmental. I have some friends who I truly feel are there for me, but I can sense when they don’t agree. When they have judgment in their mind. A mom has enough stuff to be worried about to not be worried about your judgment. If your kid is happy and healthy, no one should make you feel a certain way about anything. Even if they don’t agree with a method or decision, they still fully support you.
You can cry. Happy tears, sad tears. Big, fat ugly, sobbing tears. They’ll know exactly what to do in that moment. Offer a hug, a listening ear, a glass of wine. And they won’t make you feel uncomfortable that you’ve just lost your grip for a few minutes (or an hour)
They’ll set you straight. They tell it like it is, even if you don’t want to hear it. And while it may hurt your feelings for a second you know it’s EXACTLY what you needed.
They know when to step in with your kid. They know your parenting and you well enough to know when you need a helping hand. They know when you’ve reached wit’s end and just need another person to step in and reckon with your little dictator.
They also know when to step AWAY. There’s sometimes you just need to parent. It’s the side that’s not so pretty, but it’s the side that shows your child how life really works. A time out. A swat. A few minutes for them to just simply have a total meltdown and then be brought back down to Earth when they’re done. These friends know that they have no right saying or doing anything in this situation. You have to be the parent.
You have to have fun together. On the rare occasions when you get together without kids do you talk about things other than parenting? Do you laugh together? Does conversation flow? You should still be friends outside of being moms.
And most importantly of all, you know they’re there for you. You could call them at any time of the day or night and they’d drop anything and everything to help you out! And more importantly than that, you wouldn’t feel like a burden to do so.
Find your tribe and never let go.