The Actual Thoughts that go Through my Head at 3:47 am

When your child wakes up multiple times in the night and any and everything is going through your head, you grab a notepad and write it all down…

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[Hears whining and almost crying on the monitor]

“Let me lay here 60 more seconds and see if she goes back to sleep”

“Maybe 60 more…”

“Nope, she’s up on her feet, here I come baby”

[Picks up baby and says loving things and throws a side comment in asking her why she isn’t sleeping]

[Attempts to rock her standing up because that will put her back to sleep quicker…realize six and a half seconds later you’re not strong enough to hold her like that]

[Sits in rocking chair]

“This is so sweet”

“I love her so much”

“I just love cuddling with her”

[Start falling asleep; she’s still awake]

“Man, I’m so tired”

“Just a few more rocks”

“This really is so sweet”

“I actually kind of miss these middle of the night cuddles”

“I think she’s back to sleep”

[leg moves]

“Okay let me give her two more minutes, that should be long enough”

“Maybe I’ll actually count to 120 so I don’t lose track and/or fall asleep”

“1, 2, 3………54, 55, 76…did I just skip numbers? 45, 46, 47, 48, 79, 80, 81, 82, wait did I miss anything in there”

“I’ll just lay her down, she’s probably tired enough that even if she cries for a second, she’ll probably fall right to sleep”

[Lay her down, she starts to cry]

[Leave room because she’ll probably fall asleep in a few seconds. I mean she has to be tired, right?! It is 3:47 am]

[Watch her from the monitor]

[Feel bad that she’s crying]

[Try to not feel bad that she’s crying.]

[Wonder if cry-it-out is all that cruel]

[Get up, walk back to room, and pick her up to rock her again.]

[Rock, rock, rock]

[She is tossing and turning and trying to tell me about the ceiling fan in her room]

[Have a mini anxiety attack that my child will wake up for the day every single day now at 4:07 am]

“Okay let me give her like three minutes, that should be long enough”

“Maybe I’ll actually count the minutes out so I don’t cut her short”

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ………37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 62….wait, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 60, 71, 82, wait did I miss anything in there”

“Seriously, how is she awake? We’ve both been up all this time!”

“I literally don’t understand”

“Pleaseeeeeee go to sleep”

“Why didn’t I go to bed earlier?”

“I knew I had all this stuff to do tomorrow and yet I stayed up late”

“I need to be more responsible about when I go to bed”

[Rock, rock, rock]

“Tomorrow I am going to bed right after she does, like 7:30ish, just in case she tries to pull this again.”

[Rock, rock, rock]

“Maybe I’ll just sleep right here tonight”

“I don’t want to create a bad habit though”

“Would one night really create a bad habit though…”

“Nah”

“My neck’ll be killing me tomorrow though”

[Rock, rock, rock]

“I really do love her so much”

“It’s incredible the love you can have for a person”

“Please go back to sleep”

“Oh my gosh, don’t smile at me, you’re so sweet but I really don’t want to smile back because you may misconstrue that to mean we’re waking up to play”

[Rock, rock, rock]

[Both getting heavy eyes]

“I’m going to be so tired tomorrow”

“How am I going to make it?”

“How did I survive on one hour stretches of sleep at one point in my life?”

“Maybe I can’t handle having another baby”

“Yes, I can”

“I can’t believe I thought that!”

“Look how cute she is”

“Yea, I totally want more kids”

“Gosh, what if my husband had heard that thought??”

“Never again”

“I am starting to lose my patience though”

“These are those times people tell you to soak in because they won’t last forever”

“Oh my gosh, I feel awful, I’m gonna wish I was rocking her to sleep 19 years from now”

“Goodness gracious, let me enjoy one more little squeeze before I put her down”

“She’s so sweet”

“And soft”

“And warm”

[Gets footing just right to lift butt from chair and ultimately lay child back in bed]

[Arm movement from child]

“Seriously, how are you not asleep????”

[Lay her down because she will probably fall right to sleep once she gets comfortable]

[She rolls over in crib; I have another mini anxiety attack]

[She’s soundly sleeping]

“Hallelujah”

[Trip on singing teapot leaving her bedroom]

[Child wakes up]

“Oh. my. goshhhhhhhhhh”

 

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