Why My Husband & I Go To Bed Angry


When I first became a wife I decided that I wanted to be perfect. You probably just giggled at that line, but I’m serious. I take tasks and roles of mine very seriously and always strive to do the best. I put my whole heart into things I care about. So as a wife, a person who cared immensely about someone, it would be easy to be perfect. Right?


I would do everything I could to prevent becoming upset about something therefore not causing any type of disagreement to arise. I would cook. I would clean. Those are both easy enough! I’m easy to please so my husband wouldn’t have too hard of a time keeping me happy. But those are the big things! I would be even better at the even smaller things, the unspoken marriage rules, if you will. Well I’d make sure I did all those too and everything would go, you guessed it, perfectly. Share tasks, don’t go to bed angry, never use the word ‘divorce,’ choose your battles, you know the list… I had this list in my head and would mentally check them off when it was appropriate/necessary. That was until about a month (if that!) into marriage when I learned that, regardless of what I did, or even what we both did, no matter how hard we tried, our marriage wasn’t going to be perfect. And one of those first unspoken rules we broke? Don’t go to bed angry!

Ironically enough most of John and I’s arguments would break out right before bed (I’m pretty positive being tired and irritated from a long day of work helped that happen). We would argue about THE MOST insignificant stuff! Being the perfect wifey, I would always want to make sure we talked these things through before going to bed “angry.” Well we would talk them through alright, and through and through and through. Hours later we would still have nothing solved and just be more tired and irritated than before. I don’t remember who it was the very first time, but I remember us giving up and being like I love you, but we have to go to bed. I remember so clearly tearing up and thinking how big of failures we were. Here we were so early on in our marriage and we were breaking one of the number one rules! I remember something else too though! I remember waking up in the morning and how calmly we talked about the night before. I also think I remember giggling about how ridiculous whatever we were arguing about had been.

So take it from a overly flawed housewife, who has not once gotten that perfect thing down, sometimes you have to break the rules and go to bed angry. Sometimes you need rest to refuel and reassess what the topic at hand even is. Sometimes you have to break other marriage rules too. And sometimes you have to make some too. Whatever it may be, if you’re honoring your vows and one another, by all means do it.

4 thoughts on “Why My Husband & I Go To Bed Angry

  1. myfehrlife says:

    We’ve found that it’s more often then not better to go to bed angry and wake up realizing there wasn’t anything to be mad about to begin with. Tired definitely makes it worse. Sleep heals 😊. Love this post!


  2. crazylifewithlittles says:

    I know all too well the attempt to resolve an argument before bed that seeps into the early hours of the morning with absolutely no dent being made. I was always adamant we would solve the problem before going to sleep. Hardly ever the case. Loved your honesty girl!


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