Behind Closed Doors: Equally Yoked

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For many of us this topic was hard to write about. Just plain hard. For others it was a comfortable topic, one to be proud of. Either way, we encouraged and praised one another along the way and it made us all stronger in our faith.

The term “yoked” is used when referring to many different types of relationships – friendships, business partnerships, but most importantly, one would argue, in marriages. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 (King James) it states, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness, and what communion hath light with darkness?”

This speaks on all relationships you walk in; you should walk with others of similar faith, morals, and beliefs. It is believed, however, to be most important in a marriage as it is in marriage that vows are taken before God, it is in a marriage where you put God before your spouse and work to glorify him together.

Whether the topic “easy” or hard” to write about, as I said, it allowed encouragement. It drew us closer to God. It reminded us to take our next steps. Even though our next steps are all very different from one another we each know that we have to keep walking and relying on God in every single footstep.

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Jessica’s Story

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“I wasn’t attending church regularly, and if I did go it was only for a small portion.  I wasn’t studying scripture anymore, and prayer had become very difficult. I still knew it was true, but I felt weak. My spirit was tired.” Read More.

Sara’s Story

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“When the phrase equally yoked comes up, for me it is not so much where a couple is in their individual spiritual walks but rather the understanding of the beliefs and values that come from the decision to follow Jesus.” Read more.

Chelsea’s Story

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“We have now been married three years and I’d be lying if I said things were going perfectly. They are not, but the thing is, they’re not supposed to be.” Read more.

Brittany’s Story

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“Jerod and I are really good about communicating and working out conflicts. I truly believe we are equally yoked! He is SO good about knowing when I am down and actually asks how my days are! He is truly invested in our marriage and I love that so much.”Read more.

Tabitha’s Story

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“I used to get upset when I saw my husband faltering. Or not attending service. Or not praying. But I quickly (okay, not so quickly) learned that I am not the Holy Spirit. Although I have been placed in His life to edify and sharpen him, the Holy Spirit is the one who should convict, and should compel another to change.”Read more.


Jessica’s Story

My husband and I both grew up in families with the same religious views, but when I met him he was definitely the stronger of the two of us.

I have always believed, I knew it in my bones, but I spent a couple years wandering.  Once you step off the path it is unbelievably easy to keep going.  That is where I found myself when I met Brett.  I wasn’t attending church regularly, and if I did go it was only for a small portion.  I wasn’t studying scripture anymore, and prayer had become very difficult. I still knew it was true, but I felt weak. My spirit was tired.

While we were dating we had long, in depth conversations about God and religion.  We talked about what we wanted for ourselves, our marriage, and future children. Even though I wasn’t at my best I had always known what I wanted when it came to family.  So much so that I had ended serious relationships because we couldn’t find common ground. With my husband it was different. I had never met someone whose wants and desires were so close to my own, and that gave me the courage to be better. We began to strengthen each other.

One memory I hold dear happened right before we got engaged.  I had been actively reading my scriptures again, and Brett asked me if I had prayed to know that it was true.  At first I thought it was silly.  I had never doubted its truth before.  The more I thought about it I began to realize that my testimony was largely composed of the testimonies of others.  I wanted my own.  In James 1:5 it says “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” So I did, and my testimony grew.  It became my own.

When I look at my marriage today I see us as equally yoked, but that doesn’t mean we are both strong all the time.  That’s the great thing about marriage; even during adversity you have someone to sustain you. We lean on each other so much. I am eternally grateful that God has never left us both spiritually exhausted together. It can be one or the other but never both. Sometimes I am stronger, but when I can’t be, my husband is.

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Sara’s Story

All relationships are built on a foundation of something: a love of art, comedy, a favorite type of food, a bond over a similar life experience, attraction, music preferences, the list goes on and on.  When the phrase equally yoked comes up, for me it is not so much where a couple is in their individual spiritual walks but rather the understanding of the beliefs and values that come from the decision to follow Jesus.  For Benjamin and I our foundation starts with the truth that we are both Believers.  For us, being equally yoked means that we both believe the fundamentals of Christianity to be truth.  Those are: Jesus is the Son of God, He was born a virgin birth, lived a perfect life, died on the cross and rose again three days later.  Salvation is a free gift given to all who believe that Jesus is the only Son of God.  He is the way, the truth and the life and no one can make it the Father except through Jesus (John 14:6).  Having this same set of beliefs and values gives us similar attitudes and approaches on finances, raising children and in how we spend our waking hours.

Growth is never stagnant.  It is dynamic with ebbs and flows.  During our lives both of us are going to have highs and lows in our spiritual journey.  As a married couple it is important to lift each other up and encourage one another through the low times.  With all eyes turned toward Jesus and an unwavering hold on our fundamental beliefs, we can make it through anything.

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Chelsea’s Story

John and I struggled with our faith for a long time. When we got engaged though we knew things needed to be different. We found a church to call home and started premarital counseling. The weekly counseling grew us tremendously. We participated in local missions and went to a marriage event at our church. We were proud of the walk we were on, but then slowly the busy day to day started to get in the way.

We have now been married three years and I’d be lying if I said things were going perfectly. They are not, but the thing is, they’re not supposed to be. That is what our perfect Father is for. We struggle daily to be better Christians, but the fact is, we keep it the center of our marriage so I think we’re doing alright. We pray together, even if the other isn’t feeling like it, we encourage one another, even if the other may not be listening to their own advice. When it comes to be equally yoked my husband and I feel that depending on the interpretation there are things are we are equally yoked in and things we are not. When it comes to believing that Christ is our Savior, died for our sins, and rose from the dead we are equally yoked. We know our Lord lives today. These are the things we know to be true. We want Christian values in our household and for our daughter to grow up to be a God fearing woman.

When it comes to acts, however, we both agree that we are not equally yoked. I tend to be the one that is more likely to jump in and sing a praise and worship song, less willing to miss a Sunday of church, and almost always a taker of notes during service. For the longest time this frustrated me. Why couldn’t my husband agree with me in ALL areas of our faith? Why wouldn’t he sing more, pray more, serve more? He wasn’t doing enough! And then it hit me. Not only do our acts not get us to Heaven, because God knows our hearts, but it isn’t my place to make my husband into the Christian I think he should be. As I said, God knows our hearts, he knows where my husband is in his walk, and to be honest, that is a level of intimacy between Christ and my husband that is truly none of my business. I am thankful that my husband doesn’t walk the same walk as me, it gives me more to be prayerful of. It also humbles me because while I may feel that I am doing the best, it is never perfect. Not myself, not my husband, and not any other God fearing man I could have married are perfect in the eyes of the Lord. But that is just it! He died for our sins because he knew we’d be perfectly imperfect for one another.

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Brittany’s Story

Jerod and I are really good about communicating and working out conflicts. I truly believe we are equally yoked! He is SO good about knowing when I am down and actually asks how my days are! He is truly invested in our marriage and I love that so much.

My husband wants to attend church with us and I feel like that is so important to have a partner who mutually wants to grow in their knowledge of God.

Jerod is the type of husband that would rather be with his wife and children than go to a bar with buddies to avoid family time. He watches Ainsley 3 days a week! I am in AWE of the type of husband and father God has truly made him to be. He does the dishes, vacuums, he’s neater than me, and he does his own laundry ( only because I have ruined too man of his shirts) haha

I am so grateful to say that I truly believe Jerod and I are “EQUALLY YOKED”

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Tabitha’s Story

My husband and I are equally yoked because we both believe that Christ gave His life for us. As believers, that makes us equal in the eyes of Jesus. I truly believe that this makes all the difference in a relationship, as it creates the filter in which you create your future together. The question that seems to permeate everything we do is whether it will, in the end, glorify God.

With all that said, I think there is a major difference between being equally yoked and watching your spouse in their daily journey towards knowing the Lord better. I have found that this is where conflict, or comparison, or even bitterness can seep in, if not intentional. Yes, we both believe in Jesus – but does that mean our relationship with Him is the same? Absolutely not.

We seek after Him in different ways and He speaks to us differently as well. Sometimes, seasons of life can hinder either of ours diligence in spending time with the Lord. There have been times when my husband is on fire for the Lord, actively pursuing after Him and I’m more lukewarm. And sometimes, it’s the other way around.

I used to get upset when I saw my husband faltering. Or not attending service. Or not praying. But I quickly (okay, not so quickly) learned that I am not the Holy Spirit. Although I have been placed in His life to edify and sharpen him, the Holy Spirit is the one who should convict, and should compel another to change. It was such a relief when I released control of my husband’s salvation to the Lord! It sure does sound heavy typing that, but I think without realizing it – spouses tend to this more often than not. We think it’s our responsibility to change them – when it’s not.

Instead, I have learned to actively pray not just for my relationship with God, but for my husbands. By praying, God gives me the ability to heap grace upon grace on my husband in his times of faltering. And, to learn how God heaps grace on me. Because if that’s one thing I’ve learned – it’s that it is simply not okay to hold my husband to a standard of perfection when I can not achieve that standard either.

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